Lovesick
by high-off-music
Summary: I just wouldn't let myself fall in love. Ha. How many times was it now I had told myself that, only to be over come by my emotions and have my heart almost give up and have another brush with death? Too many. I hated being sick because of love. AxelxRoxas
1. Chapter 1

The basis behind this is an idea I came up with out of the blue and decided it could possibly turn out to make a pretty interesting and unique plot. Hope things aren't too confusing and please review! The italics are the present, everything else is the past.

_I wasn't an idiot. I knew I was dying, even if this time no one was willing to tell me. The pain in my heart wasn't just a manifestation of my emotions; it was real physical pain that made me want to just rip the stupid thing out of my chest and just get this over with. This had happened to me before so many times, but I had never felt this close to death before. No one had ever left me feeling so empty and broken, and my heart was reaffirming this for me. As a particularly violent pulse of searing pain shot through my chest a cry of pain was ripped from my lips. _

_I felt a hand on my arm and when I opened my eyes half way I saw my brother staring at me in fear and concern. My eyes shut again and I felt myself sink deeper into my pillow and my mattress. Maybe, if I tried hard enough, I could just sink deep enough and disappear into my bed. The hand on my arm squeezed a little and I heard voices but I didn't focus on any words. Nothing would help me now; I knew I had let myself get too far this time. No matter how far away we moved or how much we tried to start a new life again, I knew nothing would work, and so did everyone else even if they wouldn't tell me. _

_Right now, there was only one small glimpse of hope on my horizon, but even that was slowly sinking away. Only his touch and his words could save me from my own body, could steal me away from death. But with him as my only hope, I knew I was a goner. I knew he was long gone, and the more I thought about it the more my heart felt like it was going to physically implode inside my chest. I heard more voices and another hand on my other arm, but I didn't care about them: I was bitter and I was dying. _

_Damn you Axel, for doing this to me, for making me fall in love with you._

All I had ever wanted was to stay in one placed for more than one school year, to have friends I'd known for years, and to live in a place I could actually call home. I was sick of everything being new: new schools, new friends, new house, and another new life. But mostly I was sick of moving. I knew I had to move because of my 'condition' and that it wasn't like I could do anything about it, but still, it sucked.

Today was the first day of my junior year, unfortunately. Not only was this the hardest academic year of high school, but also here I was stuck in another foreign school getting lost. And it wasn't even 7:30 yet. Man, I just knew this was going to be a long day.

Slowly I made my way down hallway after hallway, studying the numbers above the classrooms and furrowing my brow when none of them matched the numbed on my schedule. People whizzed past me on all sides and in all directions, trying to find their classrooms and find their friends. I watched countless reunions between friends who hadn't seen each other all summer, and after each one I felt my confidence (what little I had) grow smaller and smaller. I was just the new kid, walking into a world where everyone had established themselves to a certain group of friends, and a certain social status, and a certain life. What was I, except the person who got the label 'new kid' dumped on them?

The numbers on the doors were starting to look more and more like what I was looking for and a scanned the hallways ahead of me for my room. That was when I saw him. He had his back turned towards me talking to someone, but his bright red hair caught my attention. It was long, past his shoulders, and the spikes cascaded downwards in a sort of organized chaos. He was tall, I could tell much taller than me even from far away, and he had a thin frame with lanky arms and legs. Thin, but not breakable. Muscular, but not overly so, just enough so he could hold his own if he ever needed to. I quickly looked down at my schedule and away from him, even though I knew he couldn't see my lingering eyes.

As luck would have it, he was standing chatting up one of his friends in front of my classroom. Quietly and quickly I snuck by them and inside, but had I seen his glance fall on me out of the corner of my eye?

'Stop,' I thought to myself as I glanced around at the desks with papers on them, looking quietly for my name. I found it in the farthest row over in the very beck seat next to the window just as the bell rang. The typical new-kid-in-school seat I had been placed in many times. Slumping into my seat I pulled out my folder and a pencil and looked up towards the front of the classroom, then quickly away and out the window as the redhead walked in. The redhead made his way down the rows until finally stopping a few seats ahead of mine. He looked back at me, and I felt embarrassed for watching him, but then he smiled at me before sitting down. It was a small and simple smile, but warm and friendly too. I had seen this smile many times, just plastered on different faces and different bodies. I gave a quick annoyed smile back and looked back out the window, hoping he would think I was some annoying bratty new kid and leave me alone, but inside my stomach was filled with butterflies.

And he did. He paused for a moment before sitting down, and out of the corner of my eye I caught his expression change to a bit of confusion and he furrowed his brow with a smirk on his face as he sat down at his desk.

Our teacher was late, and as I sat waiting for this first day to be over, or at least for first period to drag by, I learned some things about the redhead.

First off, he was popular. Even though I tried not to look over, the people that were constantly stopping by his desk were hard to ignore, and every now and then I'd chance over a glance.

Second, his popularity extended to multiple social groups, which was weird to me. In the other schools I had gone to, there were rarely people who were immersed in different social groups, but here everyone seemed to love him. Everyone who went to say hello was smiling widely and laughing. He was a charmer, and I saw many girls walk away with wistful eyes and giggled when they returned to their friends. I rolled my eyes. Suddenly, the redhead didn't make me swoon hardly as much. I hated people who toyed with your emotions or led you on, even if they weren't only trying to get in your pants.

No one else really seemed to share my opinion as the teacher ran in late, coat draped over one arm and coffee clutched in the other, and people reluctantly left his desk and sullenly returned to theirs.

Maybe I only felt like this because I guarded my emotions so carefully, locked away behind an iron door. But who could blame me? My emotions, one in particular, was for be the difference between life and death. In my case, love could kill me.

That kind of makes life suck.

I heard the teacher start to call off names, and I was vaguely aware until he called out "Axel." And the redhead raised his hand casually and called out a soft 'yo.' A few girls giggled and he turned and gave them a smile. I wished I could barf out of the window. Really now, I mean did he, Axel, have to play with the hearts of those girls, especially in front of the whole class. Ugh. I zoned out until the list came to my name.

"Roxas?"

"Here." I raised my hand casually, and suddenly I felt an onslaught of eyes fall on me. Even the redhead turned back curiously, and when he saw it was me and I was looking towards him he did another grin like he did when he first saw me. I looked away and tried to shrink into the corner. I hated that new kid attention I always got, and waited until the teacher finally started to call off other names.

I was right; it was going to be a long day.

Finally I was home, in my room, in the peace and quiet, and I was alone. I sighed contently as I walked over and flopped down on my bed. My room was the only thing that seemed to remain unchanged as we moved from house to house. Even in house number four I had kept the same furniture and posters and even the same nick knacks that lined my shelves. Same color walls, same arrangement of furniture to the best I could make it in this new formatted room, and after a few days I had grown into it, like I had in every other house. I sighed again and closed my eyes.

Red hair plastered itself on the inside of my eyelids, along with that grin. The more I let my self unconsciously think of Axel, the more I realized about him. How had I not taken notice to the fact that his eyes were so bright green it seemed almost unnatural? He seemed so confident in his own skin, and even though he did mess with those girls' emotions, and even a couple guys', he never did it in a vulgar or rude way. I had seen him in lunch and we shared a period of chemistry at the end of the day, and he always acted the same.

My original perception had starting to change, and after he had smiled and introduced himself to me in chemistry since we were lab partners and joked with me throughout the block, I had started to warm up to him. He was actually not a total popular ass like I had thought he might be. I was starting to realize even in such a short period of time why so many people liked him, and I was even starting to feel the same way as them.

That was when I felt a tiny, barely noticeable sting of pain in my chest. All happiness and thoughts of being friends with Axel went out the window as I drew in a shaky breath, my hand jolting up to my chest out of habit. It was so small, I almost thought I had imagined it, but deep down I knew I hadn't. This had never happened so soon in a new place with any other person. My body knew me better than I had thought. If I kept this up, talking to Axel and thinking about him, I knew I would keep falling for him, more and more until it was finally too late.

I wanted to scream in frustration, but I didn't. Instead I sat up and leaned back against the wall, my legs hanging off my bed.

What could I do? We _just_ moved here, we couldn't leave now. I had put my brother through so much already, I couldn't tell him about this. I closed my eyes.

I would just have to avoid Axel as much as I could and not let myself get caught up in this, but it was just so fucking hard. I was a teenager, that's what I was supposed to do! I was supposed to like people and want to be in a relationship and want to fall in love. All of those doctors made it seem so easy. 'If your heart starts to fail when you're in love, then just avoid love at all cost.' How could they even say that, when I saw the wedding rings on their fingers and the pictures of their smiling spouses and laughing children? Almost every one of them was in love, and they were trying to tell _me _it was so easy not to be? Damn them, all of them.

But maybe with Axel I was just over reacting. I mean, I had had this before, these little crushes that came and went, causing me a little chest pain but nothing I couldn't handle. Yeah, Axel was probably nothing more than a little crush, and in a few days everything would be better and we wouldn't have to move.

I just wouldn't let myself fall in love.

Internally I laughed. How many times was it now I had told myself that, only to be over come by my emotions and my heart almost giving up? Too many.

I hated being sick because of love.

(A/N) I hope Roxas's condition isn't too confusing, and I'll be explaining it more in the next few chapters so don't give up yet! Hope you all liked it so far and please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for reading! And since she was my first reviewer for this story and is completely wonderful, this chapter is for Superkawaiifreak!

Enjoy and please review, I love feedback on my writing and ideas! :]

This whole mess started four years ago, when I was in 8th grade. At first, I had no idea the pain in my chest and my heart was coming from the fact that I was dating Naminé. We had always been in the same grade and most of the same classes and we had been good friends. I remember the first day I felt that now familiar twinge of pain; the day she nervously asked me out. Now, I knew it was 8th grade and we were too young to even partially comprehend what love was, but I liked her and she liked me. That's all we focused on.

Except, the longer we dated and the more I saw her the more persistent and noticeable the pain became. Of course I didn't put two and two together though, until a few months into our relationship. By month three the pain was sometimes so intense I missed school at least once a week. That was when I finally realized that whenever I was around Naminé or thought about her the pain grew stronger, but I didn't understand how that made any sense because it didn't. Since this was the first time I had never been plagued by this, my pain tolerance was much lower, and I complained much more than I ever did afterwards. My brother, who had just taken on the responsibility of taking care of me a year prior, took me to the doctors every week in a flurry of panic and dismay.

"_Can't you do something for him, he's in horrible pain!" _

"_Cloud, it feels like my heart is going to die."_

"_Just hang on Roxas, we'll figure something out. I promise."_

It was like that for months in waiting room after waiting room, trying to find a doctor who could help me. But most, after finding out my heart was physically healthy, told my brother I was probably exaggerating or just trying to get attention. That was, until one particular visit with one of the doctors we had tried four times before, who started asking me questions about my life.

"How's school like Roxas, nothing too stressful?"

"No ma'm, everything's fine, besides that fact that I miss school a lot."

"Are you keeping up with your school work well?"

"Yeah, I get my homework brought to me by Cloud or Naminé, she's my- Agh!" I clenched my hand over my heart, the pain jolting through my chest making me double over in my chair.

"Roxas! Roxas are you all right! Roxas!-"

I blacked out, and to this day cannot remember what happened the rest of the day, even after I woke up. That was when my doctor finally realized what the trigger to my pain was:

Emotion, namely love. My doctors had never heard of anything like it, but the more I grew attached to Naminé the worse my heart and the pain got, and the doctors couldn't deny that something was wrong.

Naminé and I broke up and tried to be just friends, but that never works out. Even though we weren't dating, every time I saw her and her name or face passed through my thoughts the pain was back with a vengeance. So Cloud, afraid for my health and being a newly appointed guardian, moved us. Sure it was only a few towns over, but it was enough to uproot both our lives. That was when I vowed to myself and my brother that I would never fall completely in love or even get close to love ever.

But it's easy to make a vow like that when you're 12, because you don't know any better. You're naïve and think you can go an entire lifetime without love. The older I got, however, the quicker I learned that since love was taboo for me, I craved it even more.

That's why my brother and I were currently living in house number four. The more I tried to resist and tell myself I wouldn't fall for anyone, the more people purposefully seemed to be placed in my path, people that wanted me to fall for them.

Like Axel.

I had made it through two weeks, but barely. It was last period on Friday, and I had 55 minutes till freedom. 55 endless, boring, mind numbing minutes sitting next to Axel. Well, the last part I didn't mind all that much. Sure, the ache in my chest wasn't life threatening, but it wasn't super comfortable.

"…and then my dog jumped on top of my dad and bit his ear off!" I snapped back to reality and looked over at Axel in horror, my eyes bugging slightly out of my head., especially so when I saw him smiling and laughing. "I'm just kidding man, I was wondering if you were listening." I relaxed and let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

"Well, I'm definitely listening now. You kind of scared me into paying attention to you." He chuckled softly as the teacher started to call for our attention.

"I like you Roxas, you're funny." I pretended to scratch my ear closest to him to block the blush creeping on my face while mumbling a thanks, but when I saw him still smiling I knew my attempt had failed, so I motioned for him to look at the teacher and stared at the chalkboard. He looked away still smiling.

I didn't learn a thing all lesson because of Axel's constant talking and joking and smiling. It's like the guy was never sad or upset, just this ball of popularity and warm genuine looking smiles.

"When I fail our next test on covalent bonding, you're going on my hit list." We were walking towards our lockers, since they were on the same side of the school just on different levels. My last name was Strife, his was Sumner, so alphabetically it worked out.

"Like you have a hit list. You're too innocent to have something like that!" He laughed his famous Axel laugh loudly and I saw so many people turn around to look at him. I shrunk slightly to hide myself from the popularity, still new around this school.

"Oh shut it, I could have one, you never know. It's always the innocent ones that turn out to be the complete opposite of what everyone thinks they are." Like for instance, they could have an unknown disease, which prevents them from loving and living simultaneously. Something random like that.

"True. You're more insightful than you let on. I'll see you around." Axel gave me a friendly wave and a smile as he disappeared into the crowds of people making their way up the stairs to the senior hallway. I felt that blush creeping back as I watched him disappear, people swarming around me as I stood, mind blank, in the middle of the hallway. I felt a stronger jolt of pain, but I didn't even care.

"I'm going for a run Cloud, I'll be back in a little bit!" I heard my older brother shuffling around in his room upstairs and hurried footsteps until I saw him rushing down the stairs.

"Hey wait, I wanted to ask you how your day was!" I smiled slightly. Sometimes Cloud tried to hard to be like a parent, but he was all I had, and I didn't mind the effort.

"It was pretty normal. I got invited to sit with these three kids in lunch today and they seem pretty cool. Their names are Hayner, Pence, and Olette, and I'm going to hang out with them on Sunday. Cloud's face broke out into a smile.

"I'm happy for you Roxas, you really seem to be settling in here more than the other places." Unfortunately, I seemed to be getting a bit too comfortable around one person, whom I purposefully neglected to talk about. Even thinking about him now made that dull pain start to come back.

"What about you Cloud, how's everything with your job?"

"It's going good actually. I'm getting better at switching jobs all the time, and this time the other employees are actually really awesome, Leon and Aerith especially. This place might actually work out for us." He smiled again, but then it fell slightly. "Have you been getting any pain-"

"Nope!" My voice came out too hurried and rushed, and Cloud noticed, so I hurried to cover my mistake. "No, I mean, I'm completely pain free. This place is a lot better than anywhere else we've been. But I'm going to go for a run before it gets too dark, we can talk more when I get back!" I called out as I ran out into the twilight. I heard Cloud call out something after me, but the moment my feet hit the pavement I was running. I popped my headphones into my ears and decided to run where I felt like, since I wasn't really familiar with our neighborhood yet.

I soon learned that my neighborhood, unknown to me before, split off halfway through into another neighborhood, which was how I got lost. Out of breathe from running for so long and because I was thoroughly lost, I slowed down to a jog, trying to make out the street signs in the dark. That's how I managed to not notice the person running in front of me, which led us to gracefully run completely into each other.

Since the other guy had been running faster than I had he ended up sprawled out on top of me as I lay sandwiched between him and the pavement. I looked up, the back of my head throbbing in pain, and the first thing I registered was the light from one of the houses bouncing off bright green. And then, when my eyes darted up a little farther, I saw red hair. "Axel?" I nervously asked as the guy jumped to his feet, embarrassed, and extended a hand to help me up.

I saw him squint towards me and then his eyes light up in recognition. "Roxas! Hey, I didn't know you lived around here." I clasped my hand with his as he pulled me to my feet, and I let out a gasp and fell back down, a hand instinctively reaching for my chest when our hands made contact. That was painful, and weird. Normally physical contact, especially in a situation like this never produced such sharp lingering pain. I looked up and saw him looking down at me concerned. Axel really was different. "You ok?"

"Yeah." I replied after I steadied my breathing and hoisted myself up off the ground. "Sorry about that, I didn't mean to run into you, I was just looking for me street." I shifted my gaze towards the black pavement and our feet. "I'm kind of lost."

"Hey, don't worry, it's just as much my fault. And maybe I can help you out."

Twenty minutes later we arrived at my house, and I was completely exhausted. Sure, I ran all time, but not for this long normally, or with another person to talk to simultaneously. But Axel, he seemed hardly fazed even though we had run at least three miles, able to catch his breath quicker than I could.

"Nice place." His breathing was almost normal, but I was panting slightly so it took me a moment to formulate a response.

"Thanks, we moved in a few weeks ago." I watched him studying the house intently, as we stood there in silence. A car past by, casting an unnaturally bright light on us, and Axel's hair seemed to shimmer in the light. "And thanks for helping me find my way, I feel like a total idiot."

He laughed. "Nah, you're fine. I've gotten lost plenty of times in this neighborhood and I've lived here my whole life." Another thing that made Axel likeable to me. He had the life: the stationary, same-old-same-old, normal life that I had always wanted.

"Well, thanks again." I started for my door and turned around to wave Axel goodbye. He was still looking at our house, almost longingly. "Night."

"Night." He called out wistfully, before focusing back on what was happening in reality and waved back with a warm smile. I watched him as he turned and put his headphones back in his ears and started to run. The darkness swallowed him up as he ran down the sidewalk and back towards his family. Back to his mom and dad, the older brother he had told me quickly about one day. Back to the same house he had lived in for years. Back to the same life he had lived for years. The pain shot back for a moment, but dulled slightly as I shook him from my mind and walked inside.

I walked inside and shut the door quietly as I headed for the kitchen. Cloud had tried to stay awake until I had gotten home, but as I looked in the living room I saw him fast asleep on the couch, the TV talking quietly in the background. He looked so happy, so peaceful. That was why I couldn't bare to tell him about this new pain, and Axel. I didn't want to make him suffer any more, just like he didn't want me to be in pain anymore. I sighed and poured myself a glass of water, thinking over this eventful night.

Axel, if you really are different, then maybe, just maybe, things will turn out different this time around. I glanced over at Cloud before I headed for my room. Maybe they'll turn out better, if we're lucky.

I was in an optimistic mood, which didn't last long.

Of course.


End file.
